Take a moment to consider how much of the time are you correcting, criticizing or critiquing your child's behavior? If your comment count is not more positive than negative, you might want to rethink how and what your communication is doing to your children. You may say, well, I am just trying to help them, save them grief, stress or show them the "right" way to do something. It is my belief that mistakes or even failing at something builds character and resilience. Learning to take responsibility for actions is actually one of the best way to learn and self-correct. If you as a parent are always vigilant working to solve problems for your children, how will they learn to do this for themselves? Or course, issues around safety is another matter. Setting limits, having boundaries and providing a framework for independence is a great place to start and parental responsibility. Checking grades, or hounding your child about homework is not your domain, it is theirs. The earlier this is learned, the more opportunity for self-responsibility and the building of confidence and self-esteem. In the graphic are some statements Katie Hurley posted which makes a lot of sense to me.
This photo on the right describes a position I take on any addiction problem. Alcohol, drugs, overeating, pain killers, smoking, sex, and vaping are problems unto themselves however, all reflect an attempt to escape both reality and unwanted emotions. If you don't want to feel some unpleasant emotion, try an addiction, it works fast and is quite effective. What to do? Well, therapy will help. Quit the addicting behavior and look deeper to explore what you are truly trying to escape. Notice and realize the solution and impact is temporary. The "drug" may distract or ameliorate the mood or emotions at that moment, but they will be repressed, stored and become ever more prevalent.
- Develop a plan or strategy on what to do instead.
- Understand that the emotions will not go away, but become more intense and remain unresolved.
- Identify triggers and stressors that induce or contribute to the addiction.
- Find the courage to confront the feelings and address them.
- Develop a support network to redirect your emotions.
- Liberate yourself from the addiction and emotional prison.
- Get support and help to uncover and deal with your emotions.
- Remember, alcohol is a depressant influencing sleep, energy, mood and more.
- Prepare yourself for a flood of emotions that you have repressed.
On Friday, January 11th, 2019, I participated on an esteemed panel of professionals from the Texas Bar Association in collaboration with TLPA (Texas Lawyers' Assistance Program) and TYLA (Texas Young Lawyers Association) on the topic of "Compassion Fatigue" among lawyers. Chris Ritter, Director, Texas Lawyers' Assistance Program,
Erica Griggs from TLAP presented programs and services available for lawyers in Texas from the Texas Bar Association. Stan Perry, attorney with ReedSmith LLP was the moderator. Jenny Lee Smith was the program organizer for this CLE program. My role was to elaborate on the impact of compassion fatigue mentally, physically and behaviorally. This is a delicate and crucial topic impacts many lawyers in very destructive ways with severe consequences over time including, problems with depression, anxiety, irritability, sleeplessness, cumulative stress. It is not uncommon for lawyers with compassion fatigue to attempt to ameliorate these symptoms with alcohol or drugs, causing even greater dysfunction. Self-care gets neglected and overtime, problems with work, marriage, children escalate can become catastrophic in their lives. These problems don't have to be the case. TLAP CAN HELP. Life balance, wellness, time for social interaction, exercise all contribute to a greater sense of well-being. Review this problems, symptoms and treatment options in the handouts that were provided to the attendees. There will be a podcast available to listen to the entire program soon.