Thursday, April 28, 2011

Signs your relationship is in trouble

Most couples end up in divorce court because they wait until it is too late to get the help needed to save their marriage. Not dealing with marital problems can mean a build up of resentment; hurt feelings and can cause one spouse to emotionally detach from the other. Below are six signs that you may have waited too long to save your marriage.

4. Your Defense Mechanisms May be Setting You Up For Trouble the kiss of death for a marriage.
6. You Rarely, if Ever Have Sex
  •       are often defensive
  •        dream about a life without your spouse
  •        bad outweighs the good
  •        keep things to yourself
  •        feel alone in the marriage
  •        rarely, if ever have sex
  •        don’t feel desired or wanted
  •        there is no fun or humor
  •        don’t do things together
  •        work to avoid going home
  •        fantasy about other relationships are common.
If these signs are showing up in your life, it may be time for some relationship counseling.

Divorce Checklist

In the event that your marriage is moving toward an ending, there are several things to consider which you will have to consider. Most of these topics are not pleasant to consider, but will need to be addressed.

Choosing a lawyer to represent you. Essentially, you can have an uncontested divorce, collaborative divorce or one that is contested and will require mediation. The wrong lawyer or type of sentiment you have about the divorce can lead to increased costs, conflict, loss of marital assets and even greater problems during the divorce process. Choose your lawyer with caution. Make sure your strategies are aligned. You need to be comfortable with the following:

1) Does the lawyer have the experience and knowledge of custody issues, specialize in family law, have courtroom experience?
2) Do you have rapport with your lawyer?
3) Do you feel comfortable with your lawyer?
4) Is your lawyer responsive to your questions and calls in a timely manner?
5) Do you sense your lawyer is on your side and will protect you both legally and emotionally?
6) What is the reputation of your lawyer? Do you like what they stand for?
7) Do you agree upon their strategy and focus?
8) Does your lawyer exude confidence?
9) Are the legal fees reasonable? Do you have a written agreement?

Even with the best of circumstances, a divorce can be extremely stressful and painful. Remember, your choice of lawyer should be a part of your solution, not a part of the problem. You owe it to yourself to choose carefully and to choose the best lawyer for you.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Soar in Your Career

In this month's issue of Money Magazine, there is a great article about the elements associated with getting a career on a uphill swing. To build momentum, the author of the article, Elaine Pofeldt suggests the following: 1) participate in companywide committees and activities to make contacts in target departments, 2) check with HR regarding job postings, 3) get to know an HR representative so you have an advocate, 4) cultivate support seeking advice from mentors or key people in the organization,  5) hone your soft skills, 5) demonstrate leadership skills by taking initiative, and capitalizing on change. Lastly, you may need to recast your role in the organization.  By volunteering for projects, going on the offensive with ambition, you will increase your visibility with key leadership and begin laying the groundwork for a promotion.

Top managers are recognizing a talent gap when it comes to certain skills them deem important. Filling the void can help you get ahead. What are some of these skills?
  • Communication
  • Critical thinking
  • Collaboration and Team Building
  • Creativity and Innovation
So, how is this done?  You can enroll in internal or external classes for professional development, get new or advanced certifications in your area of expertise, build interpersonal skills, join professional associations to network and put yourself on the cutting edge of change.

If you are proactive, your career can soar. "If you're not moving up, you're slowly moving out."

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Happiness: Cause or effect?

Abe Lincoln said, "People are generally about as happy as they're willing to be." Michael Josephson in his blog states that, "Our happiness depends not on what happens to us, what what happens in us." Since happiness is a feeling, not a circumstance, it may be time to tune into your feeling on a daily basis to be more in touch with your personal sense of happiness.

So, what is cause? What is effect. Cause is "what makes something happen."  Effect is "what happens." What are you making happen in your life that can "cause happiness?" The next question is, what happens inside you as a result?

How happy are you willing to be? What are your signs of happiness? Are you sharing these happy feelings? Take stock of how positively you focus your self-talk or inner dialogue. Too much negative talk can create stress, depression, anger or worse. How you frame your world has a lot to do with your happiness. Make sure you are taking time to "be happy" and express it. Continue to look within and find the feeling of happiness for strength, courage and sharing.

By the way, smiling goes a long way to turn toward happiness. Smiles are a gift, so give freely.

Why Worry? Recently, a reprint of the book  Why Worry  by friend and prolific author, Eric A. Kimmel was recently released. Gayle and ...